A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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