I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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