Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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