you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ttyl tear gas
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
