the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize