haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
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