i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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