So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
