You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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