just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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