he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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