one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
And then he peed in my hair
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