I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
