this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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