If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
