you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
