WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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