I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
