I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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