No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
