what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
