I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Mom said you looked used
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
