atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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