I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
