Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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