I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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