I just threw up on my dentist
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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