Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize