Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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