I must be too annoying 4 u.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
