Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think i got beer on your cat.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
