I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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