The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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