sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
