apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
