he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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