those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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