just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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