Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
