I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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