i just wanna soil my oats bro
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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