Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
