Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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