Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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