pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
