I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
