he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
