38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
