if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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