it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
