My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
