I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
