on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
