why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
