When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
