the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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