When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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