You smell like stripper and shame
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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