Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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