Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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