fuck your aforementioned shoe
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
