There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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