i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
