we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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