true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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