Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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