Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
