he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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