So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
