HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
