seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
