are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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